C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
