it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
