booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
All I want is dick and wine.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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