I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
