last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
