Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
