I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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