The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
