i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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