Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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