the condom got lost in my hair
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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