Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
