They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
