We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
