You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
