dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
my liver is dry heaving
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize