You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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