BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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