help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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