Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
