Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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