I only kidnapped one of them. chill
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
