too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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