Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
