so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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