When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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