nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
