remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
