the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Don't make out with my wife yet
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
