why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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