she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize