it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
