I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
