um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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