I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
