My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
