when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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