yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
