I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
