she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
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