Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
