he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
