I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
