The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
