it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize