we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
