I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
BRING THE BAGELS
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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