somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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