He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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