we have officially lost it.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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