I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
