She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
