Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
