apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
