It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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