Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize