At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
