Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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