My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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