when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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