I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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