SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
