I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
