This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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