Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
