i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize