i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
