my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
