what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
