You're completely useless in the revolution.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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