So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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