I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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