So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
