i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
